He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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