The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
