I think im going to throw up on grandma
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
