you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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