fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
