The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
