you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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