you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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