I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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