The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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