ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
