I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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