Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
