She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
