32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
