If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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