He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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