420 ftw
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
