6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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