were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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