he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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