If i come over, it means nothing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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