I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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