I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There r osticjed everywhere
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i am craving dick and cupcakes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
