i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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