She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
