Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
