I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so let's talk penis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
