I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
