She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
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I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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