It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize