im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
fuck your aforementioned shoe
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
