dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
