I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
