Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my liver is dry heaving
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
