Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
