Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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