Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
