you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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