you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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