You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
