And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
