I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
