i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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