1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
