He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
