dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
