It's Friday. Sex?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
lets start a swedish sibling band together
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
