Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
