The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
