My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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