well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
