so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
