Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
