What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
