She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I am available for nakedness
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE