Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!