She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.