I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed