You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.