i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.