Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My ass is underappreciated
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.