I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize