I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
