she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
