Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
