You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
