i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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