R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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