so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
zippers are such a cool invention
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
