Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
honey bunches of taint.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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