i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
