My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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