: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
