dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
