Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
