I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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