look no pants
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
