I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
