You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
