Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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