I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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