how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
