he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize