I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
