If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i drank out of a bidet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
