You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All the doctor said was why
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
