OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
