Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
