So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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